Sucker Punch

“If you don’t change the way you eat, you’re going to die.” That last word, “die,” shot from my doctor’s mouth and struck my ears. Like a boxer being sucker punched in the gut, the blow immediately shook my body. And like any body blow, the full brunt of the impact would only manifest itself after the initial shock had passed and the rest of my body could accept the pain. And although Dr. Gribovich began to explain how I could change my diet, my exercise routine, and essentially my life in order to alter her lethal diagnosis, every other word just felt like another blow to my psyche. Being assaulted with that deadly morpheme transformed my state of mind and I was not sure how I could or should recover. But if before the blow I was comfortable and happy, after it I was uncomfortable and frightened. I was petrified. A shot to the gut paralyzes the body and slows your movement—this was paralyzing. I did not know what I should do. But something had to be done. I had to change.

However, change is not easy. The fact that I was fat and dying was clearly linked with the fact that I was unwilling to change. Even though I knew I was not living a healthy lifestyle, I continued to live my life as lazily and apathetically as possible. I chose to ignore the obvious signs and did not even attempt to modify my eating and exercising habits. To not notice that one is overweight when they are 5’4’’ and 256 pounds be a feat.

And I was not that incredible. I knew, but I ignored. My own personal gorilla in the room remained silent until my doctor bluntly pointed it out. So the time for change had come and it would have to be drastic. For someone to balloon to the size I had, food would have had to have become an addiction, and I had to cut myself off cold turkey. Extreme situations called for extreme measures. Not only would this mean dieting, but it would also mean exercise. These were two words that, up until then, where not active participants in my vocabulary.

The transformation would have to be gradual. There is no quick way of losing one hundred pounds, at least not in a healthy fashion. And I was trying to wean myself away from an unhealthy lifestyle, not take up another one. So other eating disorders were out of the question. Good old fashioned diet and exercise would have to suffice. And for the first few weeks, it was horrible. Changing what I choose to eat was challenging because all the food in my house was unhealthy. Canned foods, frozen TV dinners, and my mom’s old fashioned, high fat, high calorie death on a plate were served daily. Not only did I have to personally change what I ate, I had to force my parents to buy and make different food. And my mom, while being an amazing cooks, was not very versatile and could only make the traditional Filipino dishes she grew up with, which were filled with proteins and oil. Not exactly health food. But besides the task of formulating new grocery lists, I had the grueling job of starting my work routine. This involved, running, running, and more running. After day one, I was sore. Quickly I realized that the pain would not go away, at least not for weeks.

But slowly, the pain transformed into pleasure, and I was enjoying my daily workouts. I was feeling healthier, and six months into the new lifestyle, I could see the results. While I was not exactly thin, I was thinner and on my way towards my current weight. After two years, the diet had become my lifestyle. I lost and kept off the 90 pounds of excess. From that historic day at the doctor’s office, the changes that occurred shaped me, in more ways than one, into a stronger, better person. I was taken by surprise and sucker punched that day, but I still stood my ground. I stood my ground and struggled back. The struggle made all the difference.