Time and time again I find myself with my mind racing, thoughts unable to focus themselves long enough to go from my head down the pen to the page (or in this case to my fingers to the keys). The task of choosing a thought- of trying to record moments that make you think, that upset you or that make you laugh and smile and love life all over again is daunting.
I keep wanting to hit the ground running. Just get it out. "I have to get this idea out now before I lose it. Now, before I lose that perfect turn of phrase. Now, or I'll lose the spirit and feeling I had when I first thought it." I keep trying to sprint to the truth.
But this endeavor of capturing life. Trying to take snapshots of my thoughts and feelings and ideas isn't something I can do in bursts. This is something that takes thought and time and backtracking and rewrites and wheel-spinning. Life, if it is a race, is a marathon. And while a marathon may be terrifying, especially when you're trying to finish as fast as possible it's probably best to go at your own pace.
So here I go.
I'm going to say what I have to say. It may not mean anything and I may meander and go on tangents and contradict myself. But I'm just going to keep going, because that's all you can do. You can't worry about making sense or being worthwhile, you just keep running. And hopefully before long you forget about the fear and the struggle of life, of trying to figure how to say things or how to do things, or the shouldawouldacouldas you had and you hit that runner's high.
Trite or not, it's not the destination. Our culture is obsessed with the future. Everything we do is in preparation for something that hasn't happened yet. We study for our future. We save for our future. We work for our future. We worry over our future. But the future is never here. I'm not saying not to worry about the future, because it doesn't hurt to look forward- to keep looking up. But know that here and now. Are always here and now.
And I'll be here, spinning my wheels, trying to catch sunlight in a jar. But now that I started I'm not going to stop.
Catch me if you can.
